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Glenn Quagmire
Glenn Quagmire is the sex-crazed pervert neighbor of the Griffins. Quagmire is a former ensign of the U.S. Navy, where he met Peter (although in Meet the Quagmires, they are both listed as the same age and attend the country club dance.). He currently works as an airline pilot. Quagmire is 5'8" inches tall, 61 years old (he makes himself look younger by consuming carrots) and currently resides at 29 Spooner Street, Quahog, Rhode Island. History Years ago, Quagmire used to go out with Cheryl Tiegs, whom he loved. Unfortunately, he lost her, and has tried to fill the hole she left by having sex with women. He has pictures of Lois in his house, including on the inside of his closet door. He was once arrested for peeping on Lois in the girls' bathroom. He was also briefly married to a maniac named Joan. She died after clutching onto Death's arm. Quagmire is currently a widower, although this is no problem for him, as he can now get it on with more girls, without having to worry about cheating. In "420", Quagmire gets a new pet cat named James. Tragically, when Quagmire went to Vermont to buy a present for James, Peter, Cleveland, and Brian, go over to Quagmire's to shave James as a prank, which backfired when Peter accidentally stabs James. Peter reveals this when Quagmire offers an award for knowing where James is simply to take the award. He has a sister who gets beaten by her boyfriend and a deaf brother. He also has a son in Madrid, Spain ("Peter's Got Woods") despite claiming never to have had sex with a Spanish woman (however, it is possible he does not know the difference since he was with Tricia Takanawa when he made the claim) who greatly resembles Quagmire, but with a snappy mustache and a ponytail; he also seems to have several illegitimate children in Quahog, some of whom go to Martin Mull Elementary school ("Tales of a Third Grade Nothing"). Personality Quagmire is often seen saying 'all right' while rocking his head back and forwards in an amusing way. Quagmire has been shown to be extremely affectionate with animals, specifically a cat he named James in "420." Quagmire came across as obsessive about his new pet, making his friends sign a birthday card for his cat. Although Quagmire gets along very well with most people, it's revealed in "Jerome Is the New Black" that he greatly dislikes Brian for the following reasons: * He constantly hits on Lois, even when Peter pays for his food and saved him from certain death. * He poops all over the yard. * He never pays for anything. * He pretends to be a deep guy who loves women for their souls when only dates bimbos. * He's a terrible writer when he thinks he's great. * He's done nothing to help despite his liberal beliefs. * He thinks that he's Jesus Christ just because he drives a Prius. * He doesn't believe in religion and thinks it's for idiots. * He failed college twice. * He's a failure as a father and never sees his son. * He's a big, sad, alcoholic bore. Ironically, Quagmire has hit on Lois as well, but claims to be honest about dating women for their bodies. The conflict between between him and Brian continues in "Quagmire's Dad" when Quagmire beats up Brian for dating his sex-changed father. Brian gets the last word, however, when he says to Quagmire, "I fucked your dad." Sexual Behavior :Girl: Wow, that was great! :Quagmire: Yeah, it was! See ya. :Girl: But you said we'd get married! :Quagmire: Nah, I only said that so that you'd ga-googity my gaschmorgen. (a la Woody Woodpecker) Hahaha HA ha! Hahaha HA ha! According to the Las Vegas CD, Quagmire has had sex with at least 600 women. He has a foot fetish. In the episode "Baby Not On Board", Quagmire gets an erection from watching the DirecTV help video. When Cleveland asks if there is anything that does not turn Quagmire on, we find out that the answer is "people who say the word 'rubbish' when they mean 'garbage'." He also occasionally visits the local prison so he can have sex with the female prisoners. In "Emission Impossible", when Peter and Lois asked Quagmire to watch their kids, he agreed, but began to say, "In accordance with Megan's Law, I'm required to inform you that..." before cutting himself off and accepting the children anyway. This suggests that Quagmire is a registered sex offender. During a stint on The Bachelorette, Quagmire brought Brooke to his mother's, where he wanted a three-way with them. This hint at an incestuous relationship with his mother could answer several questions about Quagmire's sexual obsessions (though raising many more). Quagmire also seems to have an affinity with rape because in Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?, when Stewie pretends to be a cheerleader he encounters a gagged cheerleader in the male toilets and appears ready to have sex with her. In the episode Fore Father, during his attempt to rape a woman from the postal service outside his house, it is revealed that Quagmire's body has built up an immunity to Mace due to it being used on him so many times. Quagmire is also not above date rape, as shown how while being on the Bachelorette, where he drugged Brookes drink, only to run off with one of her shoes, after realizing their date was being filmed. he also does not seem to care exactly what he bangs as long as it's a girl and his happy such as in one episode in which a giraffe starts to lick him in places he was enjoying it before he relised what was happening and he then slapped him away because it wasnt the same giraffe from last night It is also shown that Quagmire also engages in necrophilia; this is shown in such situations as when Death killed Joan in "I Take Thee Quagmire", he asked if he could leave the body with him for 5 minutes, and he is shown jumping out of a coffin half-naked in a DVD-only scene in "Airport '07." He once said that if he could be with any woman in the world, he would choose Taylor Hanson, not realizing that Taylor Hanson is actually a guy. It is implied in Family Goy, after watching two days worth of internet porn, that he masturbates with his left hand. He imagined himself as a condom in Extra Large Medium, but didn't realize the condom was for 2 gay guys. Theme Song Quagmire has his own theme song, as seen in "Breaking Out is Hard to Do" and "Airport '07", although the theme song is only shown on the DVD version of the latter episode. It usually starts off with an announcer saying "Who else but Quagmire?", and then it goes into an opening sequence featuring his face against a background of changing colors, while studio singers sing the theme song, with Quagmire singing the last line; :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :You never really know what he's gonna do next :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :Giggity giggity giggity giggity, let's have sex! The sequence then cuts to a setting that is supposed to be entirely serious. So far, a fancy dinner party and a funeral for a young woman who died a virgin have been shown. Quagmire will then perform an outrageous act, much to the surprise of the bystanders. During the dinner party sequence, where he was dressed as a waiter, he stripped down to his underwear and danced upon the table. During the funeral, he popped out of the coffin in his underwear and danced offscreen, implying that he had sex with the corpse. The presumed "closing credits" sequence is almost identical to the opening sequence, except the theme song is performed thusly; :He's Quagmire, Quagmire :Giggity giggity goo! Relatives *Mrs. Quagmire(mother) *Mittens (Mother's cat) *Joan Quagmire (suicidal wife, deceased) *''A White Third Grader'' (illegitimate son) *''A Retarded Third Grader'' (illegitimate son) *''Hispanic Third Grader'' (illegitimate son) *''Lois Quagmire'' {nee Pewterschmidt} (alternate reality wife) *''Chris Quagmire'' (alternate reality son) *''Meg Quagmire'' (alternate reality daughter) *''Stewie Quagmire'' (alternate reality son) *''A Spanish man'' (illegitimate son) *James (Cat, deceased) *Anna Lee Quagmire (daughter) *Harriet Quagmire (Sister) *Deaf Brother (brother) *Dan/Ida Quagmire (Father) Trivia * Quagmire is very similar to the character Boomhauer on King of the Hill. Both are womanizers, both are almost always referred to by their last name, both are voiced by their respective show's creator/voice of the main adult male character, and both drive classic cars. * Quagmire stalks Lois at times, sometimes in the living room when Peter and Lois or a family member talk and a sexual comment is made to Lois you can hear Quagmire say "OH YA!!", "OH!!" or "Giggity" without him being in the conversation. Quagmire, Glenn Category:Quagmire Family